My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
