Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
