If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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