flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
