I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
