you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
