and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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