Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
