Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
