Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
