so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is wine microwaveable?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
