What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
