I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
