wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
