Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
