Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
