I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
