The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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