ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
