Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
