Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
