piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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