Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
