Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
