Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
