I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
