One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
