I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
