Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
