Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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