he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
