hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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