So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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