hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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