You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
