Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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