I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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