The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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