She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
