Quick, to the slutcave!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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