I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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