There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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