I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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