I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
