I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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