i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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