I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
