I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
