I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
40s are totally the cure
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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