we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
