Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dear god my vagina.
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