I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
