Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
