thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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